We’ve all heard the term “green with envy.” Jealousy has a long history of leading humans to do crazy things and act out against one another. It’s in our favorite movies, plays, books, and in our lives. But it doesn’t ever seem to get enough attention and discussion.

I believe that jealousy is one of the most toxic qualities that humans possess. It controls our desires, our relationships, and sometimes even our livelihoods.

We spend so much time criticizing that girl on Instagram because she has those abs we want. We talk about that couple who are “perfect” because we desire a relationship like that, and we aren’t happy with what we have because we always think we can have more. We envy our schoolmates and friends because they are wealthy, or drop-dead gorgeous, or just seem to just have it better than us. The grass is always greener on the other side.

In my quest for self-love, I realized that absolutely NOBODY has a “perfect” life. Everyone has their own struggles and issues, even if we can’t see them.

Being green with envy will not get us anywhere happy. We’re mean, we’re bitter, and we’re judgmental. Not only will this hurt our mental health, but it also hurts others.

To be completely honest, I am extremely fortunate in that I don’t pay tuition for college because my father works for the school. I don’t take that for granted AT ALL. But some people make me feel very uncomfortable because of this. I understand that they’re envious, but you know what? Everything is a trade-off. I have this opportunity to leave school debt-free because my father has worked his butt off for over 25 years, around the clock. He doesn’t work a 9 to 5 job; he’s in the office late nights, weekends, and traveling about 100 days out of the year. He’s missed birthdays, holidays, and countless talent shows, field hockey games, and concerts.

I live a comfortable life; please don’t attack me for that. I have personal struggles, and I bet there are things in your life that I don’t have, like maybe a dad who’s around most nights. I have absolutely no control over my family income; you can’t blame me. Even if I did, it’s MY LIFE. This concept goes for everything! People don’t live their lives to make other jealous (OK, OK, maybe if it’s a crappy ex). They’re not trying to upset you by getting a great new car or a brand-new iPhone or the latest Prada bag. They worked hard to earn that, or they have someone in their lives that did. So why turn it into a big deal and put them down?

I know we see those people that don’t seem to deserve their lavish lifestyle. But I promise you, THEY ARE NOT AS HAPPY AND “PERFECT” AS THEY MAKE THEMSELVES OUT TO BE, and for the people that are obviously super ungrateful… one word: karma. The girl with the big house and the Mercedes has her own set of issues; sure, they might not be the same ramen noodle diet issues as us, but they’re there.

I am not jealous of anyone. If there’s something I want, I figure out how to get it. But if it’s something unattainable, I recognize that. I am content with my life. I could wish and wish and wish to be in someone else’s shoes, but I have no idea what it’s really like to be them.

So if you want something that someone else has, figure out how to get it (unless it’s a particular boyfriend or husband; I don’t condone being a homewrecker LOL-and don’t go burglarizing places). But don’t lust after it and let it seep into your livelihood and become miserable because you don’t have it. You will be unhappy, and those around you will likely become frustrated and not want to spend time with you.

I don’t have a supermodel body. But I love myself, and I’ve learned to accept just how great my body is and what it can do for me! I can run, jump, skip, sing, laugh, cry… I am not perfect, but I am perfectly imperfect.

I truly believe that if you remove jealousy from your life, you will have more clarity and peace of mind and you’ll have so much for time for the things and the people you love.

So I challenge you to do this: next time you become jealous of something or someone, stop and think of one talent you possess or one thing you love about yourself, maybe even something that person doesn’t have. Remind yourself that you are strong and capable of anything you set your mind to. We all have our obstacles, whether they’re obvious or not. We can’t love others until we learn to love ourselves, and life is too short to wish it all away.