I ended 2017 feeling a sense of loneliness, yet excitement about venturing out of my comfort zone.

I left everything I knew behind, boarding a plane on January 28, 2018 to a foreign land I had never visited, determined  to experience new things, learn more about myself, and have some fun along the way.

I never could have imagined what 2018 had in store for me. From visiting 13 countries in the span of 16 weeks and singing in some of the most famous churches and cathedrals in the word, to attending the National Conference for College Women Student Leaders in College Park, Maryland, starting my senior year of college, and landing a dream internship, I have never ended a year more satisfied and hopeful for the future.

But beyond all the accolades and achievements, there are many things I’ve come to realize about myself, about others, and about the world, and I’d like to share a few with you.

1) I must always remember to put myself first.

I am 100% a peace keeper. I will avoid conflict at all costs, even if it means sacrificing my happiness to keep others from getting upset. Being abroad taught me to consider others, but think of myself first. There’s not always someone around looking after me, so I have to make sure to do it myself. It can be SO hard, but I became a much happier and healthier person when I became my own advocate. I have more fun, feel more in control of my life, and know my ultimate happiness is up to me.

2) I am finally able to understand the meaning of true friendship and the love I deserve.

I’ve been tested a number of times throughout my life, and I vividly remember the nights spent sobbing on the bathroom floor or curled in my bed, asking the universe if it ever gets better. It seemed I was destined to give to people who could never reciprocate, people who would take and take until I had nothing left. But this year, I came to understand that there are people (not counting my family, who has been there for me since Day 1), who truly care about me and love me for who I am. They don’t pressure me to fit in and conform, they embrace my weirdness, and they take the time and effort to truly know me. They are there to celebrate the good days and pick me up after the bad; they’re the first people I want to tell my ridiculous stories to, and they are always armed with chocolate and wine when I feel like crap. The funniest thing is, these people aren’t ones I’d ever imagine would be my closest confidants. It was chance encounters that led me to them, and I am forever grateful for those moments. One of my best friends is a girl I met at freshmen orientation, and though we said ‘hi’ every once in a while, we weren’t close until I spontaneously asked if she needed a fourth housemate for senior year.

I wasn’t really sure whether true friendship really existed, but now I do, and it has made all the difference. If you’re still struggling, I PROMISE that you will find your people. It may take time, and will likely be when you least expect it. Life works in mysterious ways that I will never understand, but I have opened my heart to new experiences and let the rest fall into place as it may.

3) I am beautiful just the way I am.

I know I reiterate this a LOT, but it will never stop being important in my life journey. I was in awesome shape my sophomore year, and then junior year happened: I had a crazy class schedule, I was living in unexpected housing, and I went abroad. I spent four months eating whatever I wanted, only exercising through yoga once a week, and drinking, well, more than my fair share of wine. How could I not eat all the pasta and drink all the Chianti? I was living in Italy?! I’m not ashamed to admit that some of my clothes fit differently when I got home than when I left. But I’ve reached a level of self-acceptance where this doesn’t send me into a diet/binge/crazy workout frenzy. I was the HAPPIEST I have ever been in 2018. It had nothing to do with my clothing size or how much salad I ate. I went on adventures, I laughed a lot, and I found true friends whom I love and who accept me for me. I always used to think I’d be happier if I was skinnier, but NAH. Surround yourself with supportive people, learn to make fun of yourself (I’m a total klutz and I fully embrace it), and stop imagining what others are thinking about you: it’s probably all in your head!! And if there are people that are making you feel any less than amazing, remind yourself that they are likely incredibly insecure about themselves, and you love yourself for the god(dess) that you are. Don’t ever let anyone tell you how to feel about yourself, E V E R.

4) Don’t be afraid to be open and vulnerable.

My housemates and I have all been completely honest with one another about our personal struggles. We acknowledge the impact of anxiety and other mental illness in our lives, and I think it has really helped us to more fully understand one another and be supportive in whatever means necessary. I don’t feel like I have to hide or suffer alone, because they are always there for me. Being vulnerable can be incredibly difficult, but I am so grateful that I worked up the courage to talk openly about what’s going on in my head.

Life can be chaotic and overwhelming and crazy, and not every day goes exactly as planned. But I firmly believe that I have the power to take charge of my life, and that will make all the difference going forward.

Here’s to 2019; I hope you’re my best year yet. 🌸